


Broken

by posingasme



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Crazy Castiel, M/M, Season/Series 07
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-01
Updated: 2015-09-01
Packaged: 2018-04-18 10:22:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,021
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4702490
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/posingasme/pseuds/posingasme
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sam offers some comfort to his broken angel.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Broken

If Sam hadn't been through it himself, he might not understand. But that was Sam's sickness breaking the angel. The creature who might have been a god was now a pale, nervous skitter of a being, filled with fear and guilt and shards of former glory cutting into the deepest parts of him. Castiel, the angel mutated by Purgatory taint and good intentions, was the only one of his kind.

Just like Sam.

Sam was the only human alive who knew what it felt like to have an archangel behind the wheel, behind his eyes, using his eyes. He was the only one who had been chosen to bring Lucifer's army to victory. He might have been the one to leave the demons and humans and monsters to devour what was left of the world and Hell, and reign supreme over Heaven. He might have used his own demon blood, that which Azazel had gifted him, which swam in him and never let his guilt scar over to heal, to conquer the Legion, to seek out God Himself to bring to his metaphorical knees.

Instead, he had held the Devil in a tight embrace and refused to let him go, grabbed onto the brother who was also his half-brother, and dragged him to Hell to the only cage strong enough to hold them. Adam had been discarded in disgust the instant they had entered the cage. The soul was gone. Death said souls could not be destroyed, but it was hard to say what condition Adam's was in when Michael flung it lose. Surely Adam was in Heaven. Whatever good that was.

Sam hadn't been so lucky. He was to blame for their frustration. He suffered. He broke.

And now Castiel was suffering, had broken. Guilt and shame, and the tendrils of insanity had wrapped around his throat, and the only thing left to do, the only remaining option, was to go crazy.

Castiel had been out in the world doing whatever it was crazy angels did. When he popped in while Sam was staring listlessly up at the ceiling, the hunter did not even have the energy to be startled.

Strangely, he smiled instead. "Hey, man."

"Hello, Sam. You should really listen to the birds more often. I think you would enjoy it. Of course, you're generally too busy trying to get yourself killed. Do you know what type of bird-"

"Cas? Would you like to sit with me?"

The blue eyes blinked, then narrowed. "Why?"

"Don't be suspicious. I just want to talk. See how you're doing."

"You said earlier that you were worried about me. Sam, that isn't necessary. I'm an angel. A poor excuse for one, but an angel nonetheless. So please redirect your concern."

He sighed and gestured for Castiel to sit on the couch as he sat up on it. "How's Meg?"

Castiel smiled softly. "She is an excellent caretaker."

Sam snorted. "You know the bitch possessed me once?"

The angel frowned. "I...wasn't aware of that, I suppose."

"Summoned a daeva to dangle me and Dean for my Dad once too."

"It must have been before I met you. Or her. Sam, please. She is trying now. Please, I don't want there to be confrontation." His voice was trembling.

The human reached for him and wrapped him into a hug. "No, Cas. It's okay. I'm clear on how much we need allies, and I know she's your friend. She once saved us from hell hounds too, and helped us with Crowley. I guess so long as you don't trust her too much, we should remember that stuff too."

"Thank you, Sam."

He did not let go, but he loosened his grip and put their foreheads together. "Cas?" he whispered. "I've missed you. I never even got to thank you for what you did."

"When I took your pain?"

Sam smiled sadly. "No. That too, but I think you felt guilty for having broken the wall. No, Cas. Dean and I didn't like the way you did it. It turned out to be the wrong thing. But you stood up to Raphael, who wanted to restart the Apocalypse."

Castiel let his eyes close. "Sam, I don't want to think about all this. Please. Let me tell you about the birds instead?"

He sighed. "Cas, I want to hear everything you know about birds. Lie down with me, okay?"

The angel hesitated. "Isn't that a bit intimate, Sam? I've tried to respect your personal space..."

"Cas, I've never minded you in my personal space. Please. Lie with me. Let me hold you, and you can teach me about the birds."

Tears were filling Castiel's eyes, but he smiled up at Sam with adoration. "Thank you, Sam."

"Of course."

Castiel lay his head on Sam's chest, and for some time, he was unable to speak. Sam waited patiently. At last, the rumbling deep voice began, and Sam's heart filled with the vibrations from the angel's humming tone.

***

Castiel waited until Sam drifted off before he stood back up. He wanted to watch him sleep. The man was so peaceful, so sweet. Castiel wanted him forever. It was a very long time for an angel but he was certain it was true. Perhaps one day, he would tell Sam that he was every other thought in his tangled mind, that he was so very sorry for hurting him, that he loved him so dearly that it was painful. Perhaps one day, if he ever felt like himself again, perhaps he would thank this man for calling out to him, for saying that he still considered the wayward angel one of them. One day. 

For now, he let his disoriented thoughts settle into a soft buzz under his skin, and spent the rest of the evening in more peace than he had felt in many years, just watching over his hunter as he slept. 

"I never mind you in my personal space either," he whispered, and stroked a strand of soft, sable hair from his face with all the gentleness of a creature who had never been a god. 


End file.
